Can you see the truth?

Bruises. What story do they tell? In my early days of talking about domestic abuse, people would always cite bruises as an indicator that abuse had taken place.  But what if there are no visual clues?     I didn’t know I was in an abusive relationship until a policeman

Presents or Presence?

I recently celebrated my 50th birthday but I don’t have a single photo of my party to share with anyone. Why is this? Upon reflection I realise that it’s because all of us at the party were actually present in the moment rather than worrying about capturing it to share

50 and Fabulous!

This week I turned 50. It’s a bit of a milestone in anyone’s life and I was asked how I ‘really’ feel about turning 50. Well the truth is I’m really happy about it. The first 3 decades of my adult life weren’t great; 2 abusive marriages, a failed business,

May the 4th…… with you!

My social media has been full of memes celebrating Star Wars Day today – May the 4th be with you!  It’s a clever play on words from one of the most successful film franchises of all time. However, for many years, I did all I could to avoid seeing or

Moments of Laughter

Today is Moments of Laughter Day which leads me to ask, how many moments of laughter do you have with your partner? My partner, Floss, and I are gigglers.  We can find humour in the daftest of things and when one of us starts laughing it usually sets the other

Taking Responsibility

This might be a bit controversial but bear with me. Throughout life we are told we need to take responsibility for ourselves, our choices, our actions, our behaviour and so on. So why is it, when there are problems in our relationships we are quick to apportion blame to our

What’s in a Name?

On World Theatre Day (Saturday 27th March) I reflected upon why I named my coaching practice Not A Rehearsal. Whilst I truly believe life’s Not A Rehearsal, my coaching practice is alsonamed to acknowledge my love of the theatre. As a teenager my dream was to become a professional actor.

You’re only as old as you feel

Have you ever been out with someone younger than you and said that they make you feel young? Have you ever been the youngest in a relationship and been told you keep your partner young? Is there a rule written somewhere that says we have to have relationships with someone

Did you ever dream of being a ‘kept woman’?

I don’t know about you but as a child I often heard the phrase “Wouldn’t it be nice to be a kept woman“.  Back then I really didn’t understand what it meant but I recognised that it meant you would be looked after financially as you grew into adulthood and

Real Life Fairy Tale

I’m often told that the way my partner and I got together is like something out of a Fairy Tale or Hollywood movie, and as today is Tell a Fairy Tale Day I thought I’d share some of our story with you. We first met 23 years ago in 1998,

Random Acts of Kindness

Recently I have spent a number of hours each week working at my local hospital.  It’s certainly been eye-opening and I have so much respect for my colleagues who have worked at the front line for the entirety of this pandemic thus far. But what has struck me most, and

Is your relationship stuck in Groundhog Day?

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in Groundhog Day? Many of the women over 40 who I work with tell me they feel trapped, doing what they think they SHOULD be doing rather than what they WANT to be doing, keeping everyone else happy rather than themselves, stuck on

5 Relationship Rules to survive Lockdown and Beyond

It’s no surprise that over the past year there have been some questions I’ve been asked time and time again “How can I rejuvenate my relationship?” “How can I bring back the spark?” “How can I make sure we survive?” “How can we keep the spark alive during lockdown?” and

Who’s for bubbles?

Aah!  Bliss! There can be nothing nicer than slipping into a hot bubble bath at the end of a hectic day, feeling the silky warmth of the water lapping against your skin as your cares and worries start to drift away as you submerge yourself under the water. Maybe you’ve

Give me a cuddle!

How often do you and your partner cuddle?  Or, if like me, and you’re Welsh, how often do you and your partner cwtch? There’s nothing quite like a good cwtch or cuddle.  It releases the feel-good hormones, serotonin, oxytocin and dopamine, and instantly makes you feel better. How often, after

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! In the words of Nina Simone “It’s a new dawn, it’s a new day, it’s a new life…..and I’m feeling good”. However you’re feeling today after last night’s festivities it’s likely that your thoughts are turning to self-care and looking after yourself in the New Year.  You

What I learned in 2020.

As we head into a New Year it’s traditional to reflect upon the year that’s passed and to plan ahead for the future.  Many of my peers have been sharing 20 things they’ve learned in 2020 and I had written my list at the beginning of December with the intention

Passion Unbridled

As I sipped my early morning cup of tea looking through the patio windows at the deer in the frosty field at the end of the garden my partner came alongside me, slipped his arm around my waist and stood sipping his tea just enjoying the moment watching the deer as

How tolerant are you?

A lot of the work I do with clients revolves around being tolerant of their partner.  You might think that was obvious but so many of us in long term relationships or marriages start to allow the little things our partners say or do, to annoy us. Over time we


Today is 4th October 2020. 17 years ago today I got married for the second time. We were blessed with a warm, crisp and sunny Autumn day and were surrounded by family and friends in the small country house hotel we had exclusive use of for the event. Little did

The First Mile is the Hardest

The first mile of any run I do is the hardest.  It’s the time when I’m most likely to turn around and head home.  Why? It’s the time I need to find my pace, my stride, my groove.  I need to give my lungs, my legs, my arms and my

Do you believe in Fairy Tales?

Do you believe in fairy tales?  Did you grow up reading fairy stories and watching Disney movies?  Do you love Hollywood Rom-Coms? If the answer is “Yes” then I’ve got news for you.  You’ve been spun a thousand yarns about what relationships should be like when the reality is far

Why I have a problem with the term ‘Domestic Abuse Survivor’.

I have a problem with the term ‘domestic abuse survivor’. Bear with me on this.  I’m saying this from the point of view of a survivor of domestic abuse.  Most of my adult relationships have been abusive.  I’ve been through physical, sexual, psychological and economical abuse so I tick the

Are you hiding behind a mask?

How often have you met someone who seemed perfectly lovely but left you walking away thinking ‘They seemed very nice but, I’m not sure, there’s something I can’t quite put my finger on’? And how often do you ignore that feeling? I can think of at least four occasions where

Asking for what you want in the bedroom is just like ordering coffee.

You would think by now that I would stop being surprised by the conversations I have.  Let’s face it, I’m a Sexpert. A lot of my conversations revolve around relationships and sex, and quite often they can be pretty explicit.  I have no problem with that, sometimes the only way

What are your Boundaries?

How do you or your partner know if boundaries have been crossed? A lot is said about the importance of boundaries.  We live our lives within the boundaries of the law, we understand the societal expectations of how we should behave in public spaces, we raise our children with boundaries

How Kinky are you?

I know that’s quite a forward question to be asking, particularly if we haven’t yet met or spoken but it’s something I’m interested to know.  How kinky are you in your relationship? A general definition of the term ‘kinky’ refers to anything that is quirky, a bit different, offbeat but

What have you done in the last 9½ weeks?

For those of us of a certain age 9½ weeks brings to mind a certain film starring Kim Basinger and Mickey Rourke.  For those of us old enough to remember the furore surrounding the release of the film, and that iconic scene when Mickey Rourke fed Kim Basinger food from

Can you take a compliment?

Many of us are often told we look like or resemble famous people.  Over the years I’ve been told I look like Sigourney Weaver, a young Helen Mirren and Tori Amos (that’s definitely the hair colour!) at the time I recall feeling embarrassed by the likenesses.  Who was I to

Happy International Women’s Day

I’ve always had mixed feelings about International Women’s Day.  Whilst I love that it’s a celebration of women and all we have achieved, I also recognise that it’s a time to reflect on what still needs to be done to create true equality. And it’s this reflection that bothers me. 

Books, Books, Books

Don’t you just love books?  Try as I might I can’t quite get as attached to my kindle as I do to books.  I love the convenience of my Kindle for travelling but nothing beats the smell and feel of books, old or new. World Book Day always excites me. 

Sex is like a bowl of ripe and juicy strawberries

It’s National Strawberry Day in the US and as I was looking for numerous images to create a happy little meme I couldn’t help but notice the number of pictures that showed a woman seductively popping a very ripe strawberry into her perfectly painted mouth. You don’t need me to

Safer Internet Day

On Safer Internet Day I’d like to share a story with you. Having come out of a psychologically abusive relationship I had taken what I believed to be significant and sensible precautions to protect myself, both online and offline. There had been a time where all of my social media

The Dark Side of Winnie the Pooh

You never know when your experience of domestic abuse, psychological abuse in my case, will creep up and surprise you. Today is one of those days.  I hadn’t realised that today is Winne the Pooh day until I was scrolling through social media whilst enjoying a cup of coffee this

Who do you ask for help?

Today it’s National Pharmacists Day and I’d like to say thank you to all of the Pharmacists out there who help us with minor ailments and provide their expertise to everyone who ventures into their local pharmacy, chemist or supermarket with a cough, cold, sniffle, sore throat or worse, to

What does it take to be a Golden Globe winner?

In the early hours of this morning (GMT) the Golden Globes were awarded in the USA. The Golden Globes recognises excellence in film and television.  It’s just one of a number of awards ceremonies throughout the year which recognises the stars from the world of Creative Arts. It’s easy to look

Do you soar like an Eagle?

Today is National Bird Day and as I sit watching the birds in the garden fight over the nuts and seeds in the bird feeder I’m reminded of my grandfather, my Pappa, as I used to call him. Pappa loved watching the birds in his garden and on his home-made

Does your life resemble a Sci-Fi?

What does Science Fiction mean to you? Does your life resemble Sci-Fi or do you keep your feet firmly rooted in reality? Sci-Fi for me is always bittersweet.  When I was married I had no choice but to sit through countless re-runs of all the StarWars films and despite them